


the end ( and the beginning )

by melanoradrood



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canon Compliant, Canon Rewrite, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-10-29 02:18:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17799242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melanoradrood/pseuds/melanoradrood
Summary: Soulmates are a special thing, or so her Papa says. Jyn thinks otherwise, when she watches her mother risk her life, her freedom, just to save her Papa... just to die on Lah'mu, a blaster to the heart, a shot to her father's very soul. She spends her life on the run, first with Saw's Partisans, and then alone when he abandons her, and she intends to stay that way, alone, away from any who might be searching for her, to use her against her father, or to hurt her because of who her father is forced to be."We know where your father is," they say. "We know what he's doing."She wants to trust the voice that tells her that, and she should know better than to believe anything he says, this Rebel Intelligence Officer, but she wants to believe him, wants to trust him.Soulmates are a special thing, her father tells her... Jyn thinks otherwise.A Rogue One Story, rewritten with the presence of Soulmates





	1. LAH'MU, KAFRENE, WOBANI

**Author's Note:**

> This is my NANOWRIMO Piece that was abandoned. This is a Rogue One Rewrite. This is entirely from the POV of Jyn and Cassian. If Jyn and Cassian did not see it, then the story is not going to explain it. Yes, the words and actions are from the film itself, with other items added in. This is entirely ignoring the book, and is 100% aligned with the film instead.
> 
> Enjoy?

She’s on the beach, near their farm, when she hears it. There’s a loud boom from overhead, and she hasn’t heard that sound in some time. No ships would ever come to visit their farm on Lah’mu, not unless… 

She knows what to do. She knows what to do, because her Mama and Papa have told her, over and over again, exactly what to do. She forgets her doll, forgets her toys, because a ship has arrived, a ship has come, and it does not bring good news.

Lucky. That’s what her father has called them, every day, when they are left alone. He calls them fortunate, when they sit down at the table, when they eat together. He says that he is grateful that they are all here together, his family. He has all he needs, with his soulmate and his stardust by his side.

Her mother says it’s the Force, that the Force has protected them all this time, kept them safe, kept them away from the man in white, the man from Jyn’s memories, the man that had kept them imprisoned for so long, the man they had escaped only a few years before.

Luck is no longer with them. Neither is the Force. 

She runs. Her little legs are not long enough, nor fast enough, to outrun the ship, but she doesn’t need to outrun the ship - it looks to be curving, circling the farm, while she is on a direct path for the house, where her parents are. She just has to outrun the men that are in the ship, once it lands. There’s a plan in place, and her Mama and Papa will know what to do.

Everything will be okay, so long as they are together. That’s what her Papa always says - they’ll be okay, so long as they’re together.

She runs down the steps into the house, to see them already moving, packing things. Still, she is scared. Scared, because they have come.

“Mama-”

“We know.”

“Jyn, gather your things. It’s time.”

She does as she is told, without question. She grabs her toys, packs her bags, and realizes one is missing. Turning to tell Mama, because there is no way that they will leave without her toys, she sees something, realizes something.

They’re scared. Her parents are scared. They’re scared when they contact Saw, her Mama’s friend that will protect them, get them away to safety. They’re scared when her Papa pulls her close, and asks her if she understands, understands that what he does, he does for them.

She understands that he is scared, and she understands that scared men will do things that they wouldn’t otherwise do.

_ We have to stay together _ , she wants to say, but instead, she tells him she understands.

She doesn’t understand. 

His lips press to her forehead, and she understands this - this is goodbye. She can’t remember a time that he has ever told her goodbye before, not like this. For as long as she can remember, her father has been a constant. They’ve always been together, in her memory. Her mama talks about  _ before _ , sometimes,  _ before _ the man in white… 

This is goodbye, and Jyn knows, understands, that it will be for a long time.

“Go,” he whispers, and she does so. 

She goes. She runs.

Hunger bites at her stomach as she runs across the farm towards the hills, and she knows that it is not her own. Her hand presses there, to where it is biting at her - she has felt this before, a pain that is not her own. Sometimes, bruises appear on her hands, on her face.

Her Papa always frowns at the marks, frowns as he looks at her hand, where her soulmark is. She never asks him about it, about her specific mark, about the intricate lines deep within. He worries about her, worries about what it means for her. 

When she’s older, they will talk about it. Instead, for now, he talks about his own mark, a decoration of lines that match the mark on her mama’s leg, just above the top of her boot on her left leg. He talks about how he knew she was made for him, that their souls sang. He talks about the science of it, how it cannot be explained - her mama can explain it, though, explain the Force.

When her Mama pulls her to one side in a small alcove, just beyond the beginning of the rocks along the trail, she touches that mark, touches it.

Her mama takes off her necklace, a kyber crystal, Jyn realizes that this is another goodbye.

“Trust the Force,” her mama says, and she places the cord around Jyn’s neck, tying it there. They hug tight, and then - her mama does something strange.

She takes Jyn’s hand, where the mark is, and tugs the sleeve down, just enough to cover it. Jyn can still see marks, though, on her knuckles - marks that show that the person wearing the same mark has recently gotten into a fight, broken skin.

“And trust whoever wears your mark. No one else. Do you understand?”

Jyn nods, because she does understand, but what about Saw? What about… what about whoever will take care of her? What about-

She has so many questions, but no one to answer them when her Mama stands and turns, looks towards the fields, towards where her Papa has emerged from the house, walking towards the troopers, and the man in white.

Jyn does as she is told, does what she has always been told to do- she runs.

She gets far enough away that she can no longer hear voices, can see the cavern ahead. The plan is simple - get in, get inside, and wait. Wait until Saw comes and finds her. There’s enough provisions to last for weeks down there, and he’s only a few planets away. She knows her Mama sent the message - she just has to sit down there and wait.

It was supposed to be all of them. It was supposed to be her Mama, her Papa, and her, all sitting there waiting to be rescued, to be spirited away, just like last time. Except, this isn’t like last time. Last time, they had told her to be brave, and to be quiet, and to stay together.

This time, they had told her to run, and they had stayed behind.

A strange sense of courage fills Jyn, then, and in that moment, she stops, and she turns. Looking back towards where she came from, Jyn is unable to move any further, to move away from her parents, away from their goodbye.

A part of her wants to go back for them, to tell them to come with her… a part of her knows that goodbyes can sometimes be final, and she wants to know, wants to see for herself, how final this goodbye truly is.

She runs back, runs back towards the farm, and when she sees them up ahead, Jyn drops into an irrigation ditch, out of view. She only just raises her eyes enough that she can see, can see her Papa and the Man in White, with a squardon of troopers in black behind them.

She may be young, but Jyn Erso knows that troopers in black are even worse than troopers in white.

Where is her mama? Her mother had returned before she had, but from her viewpoint, Jyn doesn’t see her. What had her mama had with her, even? And why had she come back? Why had her father even lingered behind?

Together! They had always said together.

The two men are talking, and troopers approach the farm house, when out of the corner of her eye, Jyn sees her mama. She wants to call out, to stop the woman, to stop her, to warn her as to what is there - blasters are raised on her father, and when her mother drops what is in her arms, Jyn sees that she has a blaster as well.

There are blasters pointed at both her parents, and Jyn feels her heart stop in her chest.

_ You’re not taking him! _

Jyn ducks her head down at the mention of her, at the mention of taking all of them, including their  _ child _ , as though the troopers can see her, ducking down where she is. No one should be able to see her, but she’s still afraid. She’s supposed to be hiding, supposed to be out of the way… her eyes flick up, and she can see her father is afraid. Not her mother, though. Her mama is filled with anger...

A blaster shot rings out, and in horror, Jyn sees her Mama crumple to the ground, the shot finding it’s home. The man in white falls as well, but that is not what Jyn sees, not what Jyn knows. She can see her father, see the way that his shoulder flinches back, as though he had been struck, and she can see the pain in his eyes, even from this distance.

When he darts forward, a scream on his lips, a scream of her name, Jyn already knows the truth - his soul has been ripped in two, as his other half had just joined the Force, leaving him behind.

_ They have a child _ , the man in white calls out, but Jyn doesn’t stay behind any longer.

Her father has been caught, and her mother is dead. All that’s left is for them to catch her, for them to use her against her father… she won’t let them catch her. She can do that, at least. Can run, can hide.

The cave is just where she knows it to be, the rock over the hidden compartment easy to lift. She slips inside, goes a few steps down, and then waits. From the small hole, she can see the troopers that were sent to find her. They look around, likely having followed her footsteps, but the cave is an easy dead end, and this place, a place that her father built, is perfectly hidden. There’s a latch from the inside, but if they found the hole she looks out of now…

A blaster could shoot into it. She stays perfectly still, perfectly quiet. They could still find her.

She doesn’t breathe, doesn’t move, even when she feels a pang of hunger in her stomach, a hit that isn’t hers. She feels warmth as well, warm heading over her, and then a burst of sudden energy… it’s not hers. She ignores that as well, ignores everything, until the troopers leave the cave, and for the first time, she feels safe.

Climbing down the ladder, Jyn sits on the cot there, one of three. The other two are empty, and she is left in the dark, left with her loneliness. Eventually, she can hear the sound of a ship leaving the planet, and she knows that the man in white is gone, taking with him the troopers, and her father. She thinks about climbing out, to search for her mother’s body, to search the house…

The smell of smoke is heavy even at this distance, though, and she suspects that her house is gone.

It takes three days. Three days of sitting in the dark. Even during the brightest of hours on the planet’s surface, there’s only so much light in her little hole, and at night, she has to rely on the latterns that continually flicker in and out. The food stored in the cave is sustenance, but it tastes bland, even more bland than her father’s cooking.

She would give anything to taste something he had made again, burned bits and all.

Three days of loneliness, three days of waiting. She wants to cry, wants to scream, wants to do something… instead, she is empty.

A bit of worry comes through the bond, but she ignores it. She eats, eats in small bites to pass the time, plays with the dolls she has left, stares at the wall. She imagines her father, looking out at the land, her mother, talking about the science of the soil, but not having the touch of a farmer.

She pretends that her parents are here with them, her father writing away with what little light they have, her mother fixing the hole in Jyn’s leggings. She imagines her doll with her, and imagines that the rocks around her are actually sky, showing the stars.

She closes her eyes, and she tells herself the constellations, as if she can see them. She whispers them to herself, and pretends like someone, maybe even her soulmate, can hear her.

She’s so cold, so wet in this place. A storm has been brewing overhead, and despite the fact that she is within a cave, underground, the water runs, and it drips, drips onto her skin, onto her cot, onto her clothes. The longer she remains wet, the colder she gets, and she shivers, trying to hide under every blanket. The weather only gets worse, and the darkness never seems to stop.

Three days, three long days, and then, the hatch opens above her head. She recognizes the face immediately - he’s a friendly one, but she gives no response, save to climb up the ladder, her bag on her back. He does not look surprised to see that she is alone, and when she climbs out of the hole, they close the cover, although no one will be seeking shelter there again.

There’s a ship, with three big men with him, waiting at the mouth of the cave. They all look her over, tiny thing that she is, but she lifts her chin, raising herself up with all of the strength of her mother. Her mother never let anyone look down at her, and they give her a nod before she turns and looks at the one that came for her, Saw. 

“They shot her,” she says, and there’s sadness in the man’s eyes. Pity, perhaps… or maybe understanding.

“And your father?”

She shakes her head - she doesn’t know the answer to that, not for fact, but she knows what she suspects. They wanted him - wanted his research, wanted his work. They would take him alive, if they could, and her father was not one to fight. He was likely still alive.

“How did you get away?” he asks, and her eyes go wide with surprise - she had done as told, had run when told, so how- “Your face, were you struck?”

She touches at her eye, where he gestures, then lets out another shake of her head. There’s no pain there, but she can imagine what it is - her soulmate. They must have gotten into another fight.

“My... “ She shows him her hands, where the knuckles are scraped and bruised. Saw gives her a nod, then sets a hand on her shoulder, leading her to the ship.

“My Papa… he’ll have a scar, where they shot her, won’t he?”

Saw is quiet for a long moment as they walk up the ramp, and he settles her into a seat in the back, sliding her bag under the chair. He then kneels in front of her, taking her hands in his.

“Most likely, yes. A mark where she was shot, to show the pain within his soul.”

“Will the mark hurt?” she asks, and it feels like a stupid question, but her father had reared back from what looked like pain when her mama was struck.

“The soul is what aches,” Saw answers wisely, as though he has known that pain, has felt that loss. “The wound is only a sign of the part of him that is now broken.”

Jyn nods, then looks down at her knuckles, scraped and marked.

“I never want to meet my soulmate. They make you do stupid things…”

She doesn’t want to think that her mama was stupid, not when she was so brave. Perhaps, if her mama had struck down the man in white, the troopers might have left her papa alone… but how could her mama think that she might fight against all of those fighters and lived? Her mama had fought for nothing, and now she was dead.

“My child… you will meet them one day, and you will only feel complete with them. It is a gift from the Force, one which you cannot fight… you are young, still, and we can talk on it later. Close your eyes and rest.”

She nods, sniffling a little, and Jyn realizes then that she’s crying, tears running down her cheeks. She was supposed to be brave, and here she was crying. Her hand runs under her eyes, brushing them away, and then her hand goes to her neck, to her mama’s necklace.

Her necklace, now.

Her eyes go towards the viewport, and as they take off from the planet, she can see in the distance that her house is now a ruins. There’s nothing left on Lah’mu, it seems. Nothing but ash, and dirt, and tears.

Her eyes close after a long moment, and she tries to wash it all away, to forget everything, to forget the past. She cannot change what has happened to her… 

Ash… dirt… tears… and memories…

Dirt… sweat… tears…

Running… dripping…

Her eyes fly open, and for half a second, Jyn thinks she might be back in that cave, deep underground. Her next thought is that someone has come for her, and that this time, it’s not a friend. When she sits up, though, and realizes that the wetness on her skin is from the dripping ceiling, and that she’s no longer on Lah’mu…

Her hand reaches out to grab the rag she had left drying in the small space that is hers. It’s damp, but it’s better than letting whatever liquid drips from the floor above remain on her skin. Her eyes flick over towards her cellmate, still sleeping. 

A guard walks by, but Jyn knows that it’s the middle of the night, and that it’s only memories, memories that haunt her, memories of a lifetime ago, of a girl that no longer exists. Her mama is long dead, her papa is long gone, and Saw had abandoned her, left her behind.

Everyone left her behind, everyone save for…

She looks down at her hand, sees a familiar bite on it, the bite from a blaster, used in close range, as a pistol. Sometimes, whoever her soulmate is, they grip the blaster too tight, the firing catching back on tender skin. There hasn’t been a mark in some time…

They recently shot someone. She tries to not concentrate on that too hard.

Her gaze goes out of the cell, and she tries to clear her mind. Her parents, Saw, her soulmate… none of them matter. All that matters is that she has been caught, captured by the Empire. They do not know her true name, but she knows that the name  _ Erso _ means something to the empire.

If they find out her real name, find out who she really is…

A prison camp on Wobani will be the least of her worries.

For the first time in her life, Jyn is caught, trapped. There’s no way out, there’s no backup plan, no rescue crew. She’s alone. Entirely alone. And no one is coming to save her.

 

* * *

 

There’s a hunger deep within him, but it is not his own. Cassian has to ignore it as he moves through the busy crowd, glancing down at his hands, checking that his gloves are in place. It wouldn’t do for someone, a stormtrooper, to see the dark ring around his wrists. Granted, those marks were also not his own, but then they would ask for scandocs, and well… better to get in and out, without being spotted.

The stink in the air is nearly unbearable, but he’ll be off this piece of junk soon, heading back towards Base, or wherever the intel takes him. He hopes that Tivik is good on his word, because he keeps hitting dead ends. Jedha, though… Jedha is overrun with the presence of the Empire, and for no valid reason. Something is happening on Jedha. He just needs to find out what.

The smell of food makes him feel ill, and he knows he has eaten enough to sustain him recently, but it doesn’t help when he still feels hunger. His thoughts wander for a moment, where are they, that they’re so hungry, that they’re kept in shackles - no. No, he doesn’t have time for thoughts such as that. Things like soulmates… they have no place in a war. Those are for dreamers and fools. Nothing more.

His gaze flicks down the main street as Cassian reaches the alley where they agreed to meet, and he sees no troopers facing towards him - not that a man going down an alley is much concern, but he wants to be aware, wants to know if any are following him. He had been careful, as always, but… well, it was his job to be careful, to aware. He was good at what he did, the best, in fact.

You had to be the best, otherwise, you ended up dead.

The man is where he said he would be, and Cassian tries to put on an easy smile. There’s stress written on Tivik’s face, a sign that the intel, it has to be good. No one gets nervous sharing details about nothing.

His gaze goes back towards where he came from, and no eyes search him out. Stepping forward, he hopes that they will be out of the way… away from interruptions.

“I was about to leave,” Tivik says, and Cassian can only shrug, the grin tightening.

“I came as fast as I could.” And he had. He had had to dodge patrols to get there, but he had half run, when able. The news had to be good, the intel worth it - it was worth running there for. He pulls off his gloves, trying to get relaxed, to slow the man down, and he shoves them into his jacket pocket, out of the way. His wrists burn, but he ignores them.

“I have to get back on board - walk with me.”

Tivik tries to push past him, but Cassian knows that whatever they share here, he can’t have it overheard, can’t have his name attached to any of the details, his face… his hand reaches out, grabs the man’s shoulder, keeping him from moving past.

“Back to Jedha?”

“They’ll leave without me!”

Cassian doesn’t really care if Tivik gets left behind… but if he’s in a rush, he’ll forget things. He needs all of the details, now. Another push and shove… but Cassian, while smaller, is far stronger. He pushes Tivik back, not giving in.

“Easy. You have news from Jedha. Come on.”

He doesn’t budge, doesn’t give in, and his eyes burn as they look down at Tivik, waiting for an answer. The man paces back a step, then forward, and finally gives a nod - Cassian had expected it to take longer to break him, had expected to need to pull out coin… it must be important, if the information is coming to him for free.

“An imperial pilot. One of the cargo drivers, he defected yesterday. He’s telling people they’re making a weapon. The kyber crystals, that’s what they’re for.”

Everything feels like it’s suddenly crashing down around Casian… the reports, all of the intel, they know that there was talks of a weapon, a special weapon, and this is it… this is what he has been searching for. Kyber Crystals on Jedha being taken… taken for a weapon? What kind of weapon required kyber crystals?

“What kind of weapon?” Cassian doesn’t want to jump to conclusions, doesn’t want to assume… there were many kinds of weapons. It didn’t mean anything, it might not really be as bad as they have heard.

“Look, I have to go-”

Tivik tries to push around him again, but now, it’s a fight for life, for survival. If the rumors are true, if this is the weapon they have heard about , if this is… he can’t let Tivik past. He has to know everything.

“What kind of weapon?” Cassian demands, shoving the man backwards. He doesn’t care that Tivik is injured, nor does he care that this might call attention to them - he needs to know everything, now.

“A planet killer!” Tivik practically shouts the words, and Cassian’s blood runs cold. “That’s what he called it.”

“A planet killer…” It’s true. The rumors are true. It’s one thing to gain data off the waves, to try and translate the codes sent, but to have something like this said… the Partisans, they weren’t breaking into data lines and communications. They couldn’t have heard what the Alliance had. If they knew about the planet killer… it had to be real.

“Someone named Erso sent him, some old friend of Saw’s…”

That name… that name confirms it. Imperial scientist, he had disappeared years before. His research, what they said he could do… If Galen Erso was building a planet killer, then it could do what they say. It could destroy everyone. Destroy everything.

He has to be sure.

“Galen Erso?” There’s no answer at first, and Cassian quickly becomes impatient, half grabbing at the man. He has to know, has to confirm. “Was it?”

“I don’t know.” Tivik pulls away from him, grabbing at his jacket, and Cassian can’t accept that the man doesn’t know. Erso, Galen Erso, building a planet killer… no where in the galaxy would be safe. “They were looking for Saw when we left.”

He has to find that pilot, before Saw does. He has to know it was Galen Erso, has to knowwhere it is, how they can stop it. If Galen Erso sent a message out, though… Was it a trap? Was it all a trap?

“Who else knows about this?” Was the Empire looking for the pilot as well? Did they know about Erso? Did they know that the Alliance might know about this weapon?

“I have no idea.”

Cassian is sick of that answer. He needs to confirm, needs to know, before he returns to base. Who else would be searching for the pilot? Who else would be searching for Erso? Who else knew about the weapon?

“It’s all falling apart. Saw’s right. There’s spies everywhere.”

Cassian says nothing, freezes. While Tivik is losing his mind, breaking in front of him, there’s the sounds of boots, sounds of a radio, and then - 

I have no idea. IT’s all falling apart. Saw’s right. There’s spies everywhere. SCOFFS

“What’s all this?”

It’s a metallic voice that speaks behind him, the voice of a stormtrooper, the exact thing that Cassian had been trying to avoid. He has scandocs, yes, and an identity - he can hand them over, but he doesn’t need this identity to be registered on this planet… and Tivik would break if pressed.

He has only one choice, and his decision is already made as he turns around to look at the two behind him, an easy smile on his face.

“Come on, let’s see some scandocs.”

The pistol is tucked away, just out of reach, but if he has a split second… they won’t be expecting it. He knows how to move, knows how to hide… there’s only one choice, and he makes it as he gives a nod, lifting his hands - 

“Yeah, of course. Just, my gloves-”

He shows that his hands are empty as he leans away, as though going for his gloves, tucked into a pocket. They say nothing, expect nothing, and in seconds, his fingers wrap around his blaster, and he turns, dropping to one knee as he fires two shots. They both make their mark, and the smell of blaster fire fills the air. The sound echoes, and he looks down towards where they had come from, sees a patrol at the end of the alley way, calling in for backup.

“No! What have you done?”

Cassian ignores the Partisan, his eyes looking around, searching. He can easily climb out of here, climb up, then run along the next level, above the storage crates and buildings. They haven’t seen him, the other patrol, so if he gets a few blocks away, he can climb back down, disappear into the crowd, and hopefully escape Kafrene before they block any ships from taking off.

There’s only one loose end left that he has to tie up.

“Are you crazy? I’ll never climb out of here. My arm…”

Cassian could leave the man behind to fend for himself… Tivik doesn’t know his real name, only knows that he is an enemy of the Empire. Tivik has no secrets to spill about him… just secrets about where Saw is, where the cargo pilot is… he could tell the Empire that the Alliance knows about their weapon.

His decision was already made. He just has to pull the trigger.

“Calm down, calm down,” Cassian says, stepping forward. His hand goes onto the man’s shoulder, and he tries to soothe him, his hand clapping on the man’s chest. He needs him calm and quiet, before he takes action. “We’ll be alright.”

He doesn’t have a choice.

It’s just another body, another one to add to the count, another name to add to a long list of those that he has killed before. He has killed both enemy and friend, he has pulled the trigger on those that were simply in the way. He has stood to the side and watched so many fall, he has never gone against his orders…

His orders are to find out the truth about this weapon, and to act on it. He doesn’t have a choice. His decision was made for him.

The blaster presses into Tivik’s back, and Cassian pulls the trigger, the bite of fire running over the back of his hand from the close shot. He ignores it, ignores the burn, a reminder of a life taken. 

The man crumples to the ground, and Cassian steps back, looks at the two dead stormtroopers, looks at the dead Jedhan that did nothing wrong.

More names to add to the list of those he has killed. A list that never seems to end.

How many would still be alive, if Cassian had died so many years earlier, if he wasn’t so good at his job?

How many would die, if he didn’t do what he did for the good of the galaxy?

His blaster tucks into his belt as he steps back, his eyes still on the body, and then he turns, looks at the wall he has to climb. It’s a long way up, but he doesn’t have a choice. He has to get this back, all of this back, so that they can take action, get to the cargo pilot before Saw does.

A running jump gets him somewhere, but he keeps climbing, pulling himself higher and higher. There’s the sound of radios down at the end of the alley, but he moves faster, keeps going. His jacket rides up, exposing his wrists, and he sees the mark from the blaster, knows that it will appear on the hand of another.

His wrists… he sees the marks there as well, injuries that are not his own. He tries not to think about them, whoever they are, but if they’ve ever held a blaster, they’ll know what he just did.

Whoever his soulmate is… what he does, he does to protect them, to protect the whole galaxy. Whoever his soulmate is… they deserve better than him.

 

* * *

 

The transport shakes as it goes over another hill, but Jyn doesn’t move, her forearms resting on her knees, her hands clasped in front of her. The chains rattle slightly as the bumpy ride continues, but Jyn doesn’t shift, doesn’t even blink as she stares at the man across from her. He looks to be trouble, much like her cellmate, who is chained just down the bench from her. 

Cold bites at her skin, but she ignores it. Jyn has been cold before, so cold that you loose feeling in your fingers all together, and she has been hot before, so hot that it burns at your skin. Soon, she’ll be covered in a layer of sweat, despite the cold, a condition of being in a labor camp. Either that, or she’ll be dead from an attack from another prisoner here.

She’s not sure which would be better.

The transport shudders to a halt, and she blinks, eyes flicking down to her wrists. She has her gloves back on, trying to protect her skin from the schackles, but also covering up the mark, the mark that belongs to her soulmate, and her soulmark itself, just beside the blaster burn. She tries to not think about them on days such as this, but they feel warmer than she does, and she centers on it for a moment, tries to imagine that the warmth from her soulmate wrapping around her like a heavy coat.

When the trooper stands to open the back door, she braces herself. Braces herself for whatever might enter. Something in her skin, something is tingling, almost as though a voice is telling her to get ready.

Half a breath later, and the door is being burst in with an explosion, and she is flinching away, shielding her eyes from any debris. Blaster shots ring out, and she can only guess who it is - no Imperials would attack an Imperial Transport on a Prison Planet. That means only one thing - Rebels.

Rebels for who, she doesn’t know. Wobani doesn’t have any local guerilla groups, as far as she is aware, the people far too downtrodden and with too few resources. This means rebels from off planet…

The man across from her is certainly not a rebel, and neither is her cellmate.

They’re here for her… and she doesn’t intend on being taken.

“Hallik. Liana Hallik.”

It’s not her name, not her real name, but it is the name that was on her scandocs when the Empire found her this time. It’s the same name that’s on her prison records - the Rebels have no need for Liana Hallik. Only Jyn Erso.

Could Saw have sent them? Did Saw send them for her? To remove her, or…

A glance at the uniforms tell her something else, something froma  distant membory, from her childhood. These are Rebel Alliance forces, Pathfinders. She has seen them before, screwing up missions on various planets, and had worked with them a time or two, back before, when she was with Saw, when Saw was still working with them.

The Rebel Alliance is looking for her, and she’s definitely not going with them now.

Another man comes up behind the one calling out for her, and points in her direction. She only just barely glances up in time, gives a nod, confirming it - “her.”

“You wanna get out of here?” the first man asks, and she gives a nod, eyes on her wrists, watching as the color moves from red to green. The shackles fall from her wrists and ankles, and as the man turns to face another voice, she pushes up, leg raised, and kicks forward.

Pathfinder falls into prisoner, and in seconds, Jyn is turning, swinging a fist at the second man, the one to point towards her. He falls backwards, and she grabs one of the shovels, turning and striking the man that she had initially kicked. There’s only one more, between her and freedom, and she strikes him down as well.

They’re not dead, but they are out of the way.

The door is still open, and she knows that the rebels would have taken care of any other troopers. There’s nothing between her and freedom… well, she’ll have to find her way out of the prison itself, but they had to have brought a shuttle here. She’ll steal that, figure it out from there, just run, run out towards the light, towards freedom-

A hand grabs her by her throat, a mechanical hand, and she looks up in horror as a droid slams her onto the ground, a KX unit. The wind is half knocked out of her lungs, and she’s stunned, looking up at the droid. There’s no time to think, to ask, just stare-

“Congratulations. You are being rescued.”

Rescued. Is that what they call it?

“Please do not resist.”

She blinks again, the cold slamming into her, and she can only tug in another shaky breath before one of the pathfinders climbs out, shackles in hand.

“We said you were getting out of here,” the man says, and he grabs her by one hand, hoisting her up. “Didn’t have to be like this.”

One shackle is around her wrist, and she thinks to fight again… not with the droid, though. Not at all. There’s no chance of running from that.

“What do you want with me?” she asks, and she waits for an answer that doesn’t seem to come. Eventually, the one that she had kicked, the ones the others had called sir, climbs out, and he has a nasty bruise on his cheek, one which he is rubbing.

“We were just told to pick you up. Must be important.”

Liana Hallik is of no importance to the Rebel Alliance…

“Who sent you?” she asks next, and that gets her another shrug.

“Someone above my paygrade.”

“And where are you taking me?”

She already knows the answer, but she wants to hear it, wants to hear it out loud. She wants it confirmed, confirmed that she has been found, after all these years. No one should even know… it should be assumed that she’s with her father, should be assumed that she had died on Lah’mu. How would they even know…

“Rebel Alliance Headquarters.”

She tries to ignore the feeling that settles in the pit of her stomach… the feeling that she is being led to her death.


	2. YAVIN 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Show up a month later with almost 9k words... I swear I'm writing, but you know how it is... what is finishing things?

The last thing that Jyn expects, when they arrive at their destination, is that she will be taken to medical. After all, she’s just a prisoner, or a hostage, or something else all together… the fact is, she is far from a guest of the Rebellion, given the fact that she still has cuffs on her hands. A trip to medical? Not really something for a prisoner. She should be in a cell, or being interrogated…

Instead, she has a doctor ordering her to strip down… 

“I’m fine,” she says, and she wants to cross her arms over her chest, or something, but instead, just shifts her weight to one side, eyebrow raised. “Can we get on with… whatever it is I’m here for?”

The doctor looks from her to the Pathfinder that escorted her there, and then there’s a gesture to her wrists. “At least take off the cuffs. This is a secure room, with multiple medical droids that can subdue her, if need be. And step out of the room.”

The cuffs are removed, and Jyn rubs at her wrists, the raw skin aching a little. That receives a glance over, and when the door shuts, the doctor steps forward.

“You have bruising on your neck, and your wrists could use a cleaning. Take off your gloves, and we can-”

Jyn jerks away, almost like a caged animal, and her hands curl up into her chest, withdrawing from the doctor.

“I can clean them myself,” she snaps, and then a hand goes to her neck. She could barely even remember being grabbed earlier, but when she touches it, there is a dull pain there. “And it will fade.”

The doctor gives her another glance over, then a nod.

“Immunizations? An implant? Do you need anything else, perhaps routine?”

Immunizations were something that Saw had actually worried about, back when she was younger, and her implant was something she had concerned herself with, only two years earlier. She had another five years. Otherwise… 

Her wrists were rather raw.

“Just something to clean my wrists… and I could do with a shower.”

The doctor gives her a nod, then opens another door. Jyn looks within, and sees a shower, and a sonic for cleaning her clothes. 

“The door will be locked from the outside. I will leave a balm for your wrists here. When you’re ready, your escort will be waiting to take you to your meeting.”

“Meeting?” Jyn’s attention had been entirely on the shower, the thought of hot water, real water distracting her, but at the mention of a meeting, she’s turning around towards the doctor, and the door that the woman is disappearing out of. “What meeting? With who?”

The door is shut before Jyn can get an answer, and she’s left by herself, leftt to her own thoughts, and left with a shower.

A meeting? With who? Had Saw sent for her, after returning to the Alliance? Was she wanted because of her father, or because of Saw? A meeting made it sound as though…

No. Shackles. There had been shackles on her wrists, and while they had called it a rescue, she had clearly had no choice in the matter. She was a prisoner, no matter what they called it.

The water feels like some level of sin, the heat seeping into her skin, and her body feeling fully clean for the first time in over a year. A true water shower, with actual soap, and the soap burns at her skin in a delicious way. She scrubs under her nails, scrubs at her scalp, and when the water finally runs clear, she just stands under it, lets the water flow over her. Her eyes trail over her body, the first time she has been bare in a long time, and she looks at the marks, the scars over her skin. Some are old, while others are still healing, and her gaze flicks back to her hand, to the mark that is there, but is not truly hers. It is healing nicely - he hasn’t shot a blaster since.

She wonders if he’s here, perhaps, on this base. There were a lot of reasons to fire a blaster in this galaxy, but what she has felt… she has felt the kickback of a sniper rifle, and felt the bite of a close range assassination. She knows that what her soulmate does… They kill, and they kill  _ for _ someone.

Her eyes look to her mark next, and then she closes her gaze - she doesn’t want to look, not anymore. There’s a reason she wears gloves as much as possible.

Her clothes are clean by the time she turns off the water, and when she’s fully dressed, her hair combed out and twisted back into a low bun, she considers looking for a weapon, something to defend herself with. Of course, she doubts she can get off planet by herself, surrounded by these rebels, but survival is her only priority. She looks around, but everything is wiped, nothing to be found, save for the balm.

Giving up her search, Jyn spreads it around her wrists, watching as the raw skin starts to heal. She knows that there is bacta in it, the tingling something familiar, but also something herbal, something that softens her skin, so that she spreads it over her hands entirely, and her lips, soothing the split there. She considers touching the bacta to her neck as well, but then ignores it - it’s not as though she truly feels it, nor can she see it.

Fully dressed, her gloves back in place, Jyn pauses before going to the door. Once she opens it… curiosity has been eating away at her, slowly, the desire for answers pressing at her, but once she opens that door, she cannot close it.

It must be opened eventually, so…

She opens the door up, and is surprised to see a different Pathfinder there, no weapon on him. He must have been told about what happened on Wobani. What he does have is a set of cuffs, and she lifts her chin before offering him her wrist. 

They can chain her up, steal her away, but they cannot stop her. She will see what they have to say in this meeting… and then, at the first chance, she will be off this planet, and there’s nothing they can say, or do, to stop her.

 

* * *

 

There’s a bruise on the side of his neck, but in general, Cassian is trying to ignore it. He can make a guess as to where it came from, of course, given that it doesn’t hurt - the mark is on his soulmate’s skin, and it was likely earned from being strangled, or grabbed. He still knows that they are alive out there, somewhere in the galaxy, and they are no longer cold, but otherwise…

He wishes he had answers, just for his own peace of mind, but it’s better this way. His path is one leading straight to hell. He doesn’t want to take his soulmate down with him.

“The prisoner is being brought from medical now,” the General says to him, and Cassian steps away from the glass he had been looking at, catching his own reflection. There are others in the command center, working, but they are busy with their tasks - everyone within this room has the highest of clearance, and are searching for the same things he is - answers about the weapon, about Jedha, about Saw Gerrera. The Senator is finishing up a last minute meeting, and he sees a number of other Generals and advisors stepping in, ready to see his daughter of Galen Erso.

“She is still bound, correct?” Cassian asks, taking up a place against a wall, and leaning against it.

“Yes, she is considered to be a danger to both herself, and towards others. I have instructed them to leave the cuffs in place, until such point as you deem her no longer a concern.”

Cassian gave a nod, then glanced at his wrists, at the raw skin there. He hadn’t noticed when, but at some point, the skin had begun to heal. He still wanted to scratch at it, even though he couldn’t truly feel it, but not here, not in front of others. Instead, he tugged his sleeves down slightly, and crossed his arms over his chest, his eyes raising just in time to see the prisoner enter.

For some reason, after reading the report about what happened on Wobani, and hearing from his droid as to how he had to subdue her, Cassian had assumed that this Jyn Erso would be large, imposing, perhaps even bulky. He hadn’t expected to see a woman the height of Leia Organa, with a walk to her that said she didn’t need a weapon to kill.

Right. All she had used was her own tiny weight and a shovel to take down three Pathfinders, each carrying multiple weapons.

She didn’t need a weapon because she  _ was _ a weapon.

There’s a long silence as she is lead to a chair, and General Draven steps out from where he is standing beside Cassian, picking up a file, a file filled with information on her.

“You’re currently calling yourself Liana Hallik. Is that correct?”

Cassian’s eyes haven’t left her, but she looks strong, defiant, almost above all of this. He would think she truly was some sort of Imperial, if not for the fact that her records showed that she was more or less hiding from them. Why would the daughter of an Imperial collaborator hide from the Empire?

“Possession of unsanctioned weapons, forgery of Imperial documents, aggravated assault,escape from custody, resisting arrest.” She doesn’t even shift, doesn’t even move as the General reads off a long list of her various charges, and Cassian is mildly annoyed. Does she not even speak? “Imagine if the Imperial authorities had found out who you really were. Jyn Erso. That’s your given name, is it not? Jyn Erso? Daughter of Galen Erso. A known Imperial collaborator in weapons development.”

Everything about her body language had shifted at the mention of her name, and then her eyes were up, first on the General, and then towards the doorway. Cassian’s eyes flick away just enough to catch a glance of white robes, and he knows that it is Senator Mothma. His gaze turns back towards Jyns, and he can see that chin raise, the shift in her posture, how she’s finally ready to talk… but not to him.

“What is this?” Jyn asks, and Cassian is surprised at her accent, something crisp and clear, the voice of a girl raised on a Core world. He wonders how much schooling she received, in the hands of Saw Gerrera. She had to have a mind to her, given who her father was, but he expected something more… rough. Something Outer Rim. Nothing so clear.

It made him uneasy, another thing he had not expected after reading the report on her so many times. She’s something unexpected, something that cannot be explained, and Cassian doesn’t like it.

“It’s a chance for you to make a fresh start. We think you might be able to help us.”

Cassian’s gaze flicks back towards the Senator as she speaks, and he can hear the rustle of a chair, General Draven taking his seat. There’s a long pause in the room, as he waits to hear how much the Senator will say, to know what in all they are telling this Erso girl.

The Senator looks towards him, and he nods in response, knowing that it is his time to step forward, to do what he does best - to interrogate.

“This is Captain Cassian Andor, Rebel Intelligence.”

He doesn’t even give her a moment to analyze him, to look at him truly, stepping out of the shadows, his arms still crossed over his chest. He wants answers - and the best way to get them is to throw her off her game.

“When was the last time you were in contact with your father?”

His eyes stare straight into hers, not blinking, and she shifts slightly, as though she’s not surprised by this question in the slightest. She must have known, then, that they had come for her, because of him. It didn’t explain why she would run - on the run from the Empire, on the run from the Partisans, on the run from the Rebellion - did she have no one she trusted? Who’s side was she on, anyways?

“Fifteen years ago.”

He looks for a tell, a hint, a sign that she is lying to him, but there’s no tilt of her head, no shift of her eyes - fifteen years. Ever since he had reemerged on their waves. He’s not really surprised by that answer, but it is a shame - it would be easier to go through her, than through Saw Gerrera.

“Any idea where he’s been all that time?” He knows, of course. Not exactly, but close enough - on an Imperial stronghold, building some sort of grand weapon.

She looks away, her lips parting, and he thinks, for a moment, that she might be about to lie, that she’s coming up with something… there’s no tilt, though, and when she looks back at him, Cassian knows it’s the truth, doesn’t even have to prod further to get something from her. “I like to think he’s dead, makes things easier.”

She’s so brutally honest, it almost makes him feel bad for pushing her on it, and for a moment, he almost stops - he shouldn’t feel bad. Her father is the enemy, or in the hands of them, and what is coming - he should feel no regret for what he must do, to save the galaxy. 

“Easier than what? That he’s being a tool of the Imperial war machine?”

“I’ve never had the luxury of political opinions.” The look on her face is one he wants to burn, almost like a smirk, almost like she’s amused by him - she’s the one in cuffs, he’s the one asking the questions. She had answered so quickly - truly, was she on anyone’s side? Simply entirely against the galaxy?

Cassian can wipe that look off her face. He knows about her past - probably knows more than her. And he knows how to make it hurt.

“Really? When was your last contact with Saw Gerrera?”

The way she looks up at him… he certainly struck a chord. Not just that, but she looks angry with him, angry that he knows. Of course they know about her - they knew all of her names, her aliases, her record, knew where to find her… Jyn had never been off their radar. They knew all about her time with Saw Gerrera, although, how Draven had that level of intelligence, Cassian isn’t sure.

She says nothing, and he just waits… waits as she processes… waits to see the lie. There’s nothing, though, just her staring at him, and he expects something other than an answer, but she finally gives one.

“It’s been a long time.”

He gives a few nods, because they already know that, already know that, around the time Saw had broken off with them, Jyn Erso had broken away from him. He isn’t aware as to why they had separated, but that doesn’t really matter. He needs a foot in, and she’s the way to knock on the door.

“But he’ll remember you, though, wouldn’t he? He might agree to meet you, if you came as a friend.”

She looks away from him, and he waits, waits a breath. She’s thinking it over, he can tell that much, and he knows to wait, to wait for her to process it. Next, she’ll ask what he wants from her, what she’s going to get in return, and he’ll-

The voice of his commanding officer interrupts his thought, his plan. “We’re up against the clock here, girl, so if there’s nothing to talk about, we’ll just put you back where we found you.”

Horror enters Cassian suddenly, a feeling of dread and sickness at the thought. He doesn’t know her from anyone else, would leave anyone behind without a second thought, if need be, had killed before to escape, but the thought of putting her back… 

And THAT fills him with horror, the realization that the thought of returning her horrifies him. He doesn’t know why it matters, why he cares. She’s just some Imperial’s daughter, causing problems for the Empire and for them. He doesn’t care about her in the slightest, and yet… he feels it, deep in his stomach, the sickness, the nerves.

He has to suck in a breath to swallow it down, the urge to throw up the caf he had choked down a few hours before while reading the Wobani report pushing at him, and forces his eyes back towards the woman, to the way her eyes flick away from him, from Draven, to the Senator. It’e easy to see who she trusts the most in this room, and it’s a damn Politician.

“I was a child, Saw Gerrera saved my life. He raised me. But I’ve no idea where he is. I haven’t seen him in years.”

Every word out of her lips is truth - he can see that the one way, the only way to threaten her, is with imprisonment… and it’s not the shackles. Oh no, it appears as though what Jyn Erso fears most is a cage. 

Given what he carries in his jacket pocket, he fears the same.

He still pushes it down, pushes down all the fears of his own cages, of his own sins, which seem to be swallowing him whole. He needs to finish this interrogation his way, before anyone else interrupts him.

“We know how to find him, that’s not our problem. What we need is someone who gets us through the door without being killed.”

It’s honesty on his part - her honesty and bluntness gets her the same in return. All they need from her is an introduction. That’s all. He thinks she might agree to that.

Instead, she scoffs at him, rolls her eyes, and looks around the room like they’re all fools. She must think she knows something they do not, even as she sarcastically asks, “You’re all rebels, aren’t you?”

There’s a moment of silence, and Cassian remembers when they had last been joined with Saw Gerrera. The man could get things done, go to the same extremes that Cassian was willing to, but he… he did things out in the open, things that could not be forgiven, things that the noble and righteous could not overlook. Things that Cassian would have to atone for himself.

It is the clear voice of Senator Mothma that answers, before General Draven can brush her off, before Cassian can fumble out an attempt at a response. “Yes, but Saw Gerrera is an extremist. He’s been fighting on his own since he broke with the Rebellion. His militancy has caused the Alliance a great many problems.”

There’s enough of a pause there that Cassian can see Jyn filling in the blanks, which tells him that she’s entirely aware of what Saw is capable of… which means she’s aware how dangerous this is, asking her to form an introduction between the two parties.

Still, the Senator finishes her statement diplomatically, which makes Cassian want to force a laugh. Diplomacy? With Partisans? He only does this because he has to, but every part of it is a fool’s errand. “We have no choice now but to try and mend that broken trust.”

The response from Jyn is immediate - it’s clear, now, that she’s willing, she’s interested, and they have her attention. “What does this have to do with my father?”

His body turns slightly, looking towards the General, towards the Senator. The answer to her question… it’s beyond classified. Should it be any other name, Cassian wouldn’t have believed them, but Galen Erso involved… No one can know that they, the Rebel Alliance, know of what the Empire has been building. 

Telling Jyn Erso of this… it’s beyond classified, and he waits, waits for the General to give his nod, and the Senator hers. It’s horrifying, what the Empire is doing, and if this woman plans on joining them… he won’t sugar coat it. They need her, and she is aware of that fact. They also need her to want to help, if not for anyone else, but for her own skin as well.

“There’s an Imperial defector in Jedha, a pilot. He’s being held by Saw Gerrera. He’s claiming the Emperor is creating a weapon with the power to destroy entire planets.”

He’s blunt in his words, and as he speaks, he feels the horror within himself build once more, the horror of what is to come, of what may soon become of all of them. In truth, Cassian is unsure if the horror is entirely his own… he has heard the rumors of this machine time and again, but speaking them now, it feels like new horror, new fear, all over again.

And in her, he can see it… like she knew. Like she knew something horrible was coming. 

The pilot says he was sent by your father.”

Her eyes meet his, truly, for the first time. There is no defiance, no anger, no fight. Just hope. All he sees in her eyes, is hope. Hope that her father is alive, he thinks. Hope that her father had sent a messenger, perhaps. Hope, that she can help to stop what is coming.

It’s hope, it’s honesty, and Cassian… he sees it in her eyes. She is with him, with the rebellion. She’ll help them. She’ll help him. Help him atone for his sins. Help him stop the destruction that is coming for all of them.

The clear voice of Senator Mothma cuts through - she seems to see the same thing, that Jyn Erso is with them. “We need to stop this weapon before it is finished.”

More information seems to come, and Jyn looks away from him, all of it seeming to overwhelm her. Cassian, though, cannot look away, can only watch her, watch as color returns to her face, as she relaxes. Whatever had been holding her tense, she seems to have accepted her fate. 

A warmth fills him at that thought, but he isn’t sure why.

“Captain Andor’s mission is to authenticate the pilot’s story, and then, if possible, find your father.”

Cassian doesn’t look back at the General as he speaks, just gives a nod, confirming it. His mission, right… his mission is to stop this weapon from ever being used, and then destroy it. Her father is just another piece in that puzzle… but she doesn’t need to know that.

“It appears he is critical to the development of this superweapon. Given the gravity of the situation and your history with Saw, we’re hoping that he will help us locate your father, and return him to the Senate for testimony.”

No… no, that’s not it. Whatever the Senator may believe, may say, Cassian knows that the true intent is to question Galen Erso himself. The Senate will never take action, not before the Death Star is completed. No, what will happen after he finds Galen Erso will be to act, and quickly. Any testimony from him will come after the fact.

There’s a pause, and Jyn’s eyes shift, forcing Cassian to look back, to see Bail Organa enter the room. Cassian wonders, for a moment, if she knows who he is, given how her posture shifts. The two look to appraise each other, and then-

“And if I do it?”

The briefest of pauses, and then the Senator answers, a light coming to Jyn’s eyes as she speaks. “We’ll make sure you’ll go free.”

Cassian doesn’t even need to hear the answer. He already knows that Jyn Erso is with him, with him to find her father. Whatever they have to do along the way… he thinks she’s with him for that as well.

 

* * *

 

The first thing that Captain Andor does, as soon as they are dismissed, is remove the cuffs. Jyn has to resist the urge to rub at her wrists, but she skin there is much better than it had been earlier. It’s the side of her neck that really aches, and her hand touches the spot, bruised from the droid’s grip. His eyes seem to linger there when she touches it, and then he looks away, releasing her other wrist, then hands off the cuff and keys to her former guard.

“Come with me. We need to gather gear, then leave. Now.”

His words are short and brusk, but that doesn’t surprise her. Intelligence sorts were the ones that listened rather than spoke. Jyn, she had no time for any sort of words, spoken or heard. No, she used her actions.

They would get along well, then.

They move through the halls, and more than once, Jyn looks him over, looks at the various weapons on his person. Blaster on his hip, vibroblade in his right boot, lockpick in his left boot, and an old wound in his left knee. She’ll keep that in mind for later.

He moves well, though. He’s underfed, to be certain, and she has to wonder what backwater planet he came from - he’s from no Core World, to be certain. His accent is rough, Outer Rim, although which planet, Jyn doesn’t know. She wonder if he cleans it up when he’s undercover, as Jyn roughs hers up when she’s pretending to be someone not worth noticing.

She considers, more than once, taking him down. There are moments, briefly, when no others are near them in the hallways. She could have him down in seconds, blaster in hand, have him leading her towards the ship they’re taking off planet… She can fly most things, after all.

But in those moments, his hand hovers over his weapon, and she knows he’s aware of her, aware of her every move. Not yet, then. Soon. Perhaps. She hasn’t decided yet.

Hasn’t decided if she truly wants to trust him, if she wants to trust him. She could find Saw, as soon as the Captain revealed where they were headed, and find the pilot on her own from there. She could find her father, take him far away…

She could maybe have a life, a life with the person that left scars on her knuckles, that was so hungry it made her feel weak at times, that felt so lonely, only Jyn knew that level of sorrow. They could help protect her father, given the many times they had used a blaster. She could be free…

Or, she could stick with this Captain, follow him, and see what he wants with her father. Her father would never truly be free, no matter how much he had tried to right the wrongs. He would spend his life in a cell… but her father could also help stop the weapon. Jyn had to doubt that he would walk away with her.

A life of freedom with her father, her father lamenting his past… or a life of freedom, knowing her father is in some cell, being passed from one prison to another.

She doesn’t know which is better, which is worse.

She doesn’t know where Saw is, so for the moment… she is with him. She is with this man until she doesn’t need him anymore…. She’s with him, so long as he doesn’t betray her.

They reach a door that the Captain pushes open slowly, and within, Jyn has to gulp. The supplies in here… some have seen better days, but other items look brand new. The blankets alone would be enough to warm a small planet, and she shivers, thinking of the cold of Wobani. Even here, on a humid planet, she still hasn’t quite kicked the cold.

It reminds her of Lah’mu, how the ocean could spit water at her, freezing her skin, but the mugginess still ate at her.

It reminds her of her father. Reminds her that he’s alive.

“Here, try this,” the Captain says, and he hands her a jacket. It’s well made, no visible holes or marks, and Jyn quickly shrugs out of her vest, pulling the long jacket on. It fits well, and she gives a nod, tugging her vest back on over top.

“And something to cover your face. We don’t need anyone recognizing you.”

She doubts that anyone is looking for her, not really. Liana Hallik was low on the Empire’s radar, just an occasional problem for them, an easy body to send to a labor camp. Jyn Erso, on the other hand… they were searching for a girl, not a woman, if they were even still searching at all.

The scarf, though, is something warm, something perhaps even handmade. Jyn can smell something soft and delicate in it as she wraps it around her neck, and she smiles slightly, smiles as she presses her fingers into it.

“New gloves as well?”

She looks up, then looks back to her hands, to the gloves she has worn for so long, that cover so many marks,  _ her _ mark, and she shakes her head.

“These will do.”

He gives another nod, silently looking her over, and she lifts her chin once more. He’s only looking to ascertain size, perhaps even whether or not she’s wearing the appropriate clothing… nothing more. She wouldn’t fool herself to think it was anything else.

“Grab one of these,” he says, gesturing to the packs on the wall. He grabs one himself, and slings it over his shoulder. She can guess it contains the more basic gear - toiletries, meals, whatever they might need for the travel to and from their destination, and then some. “I want off this planet within the hour.”

She bites back the urge to say  _ yes sir _ , and just gives a gruff nod. When he turns to leave the room, he doesn’t tell her to follow, and she lingers back for a moment. Her eyes trace the room, but she sees no blasters, no blades… but there is something, and she grabs it, shoving it into the back of her pants awkwardly, before following out, a few steps behind. 

The halls are clearer now, and she thinks they might be heading the way they came, but then they turn, a different direction. The smell of tanker fuel is in the air, and she knows they are heading towards the hanger. If she was going to steal his ship, now would be the time to do it.

He turns suddenly, his eyes dangerous and wild, and she can feel it, some sort of rage inside of her, but also warriness. It doesn’t feel entirely her own, but she ignores it, unable to keep herself from looking up at him.

“Do you mean to harm me?” he asks, his eyes searching hers. “Should I remind you, you are in the middle of a Rebel base. You would not get very far.”

She just lifts her chin, eyebrow raised. 

“Why, are you afraid of me?”

Their eyes stayed locked for at least two seconds too long, and then he shakes his head, drawing back after a moment. “Only a fool wouldn’t be wary of you.”

His words are muttered, but he doesn’t meet her eyes again, just turning his body slightly. He doesn’t step forward until she does, and as they head towards the hanger, they do so in unison, Jyn by his side.

She tries to not think about what that means.

 

* * *

 

 

Walking into the hanger feels different this time. Last time, she had been a prisoner, cuffs on her wrists, unsure of her future, of what this Rebel Alliance wanted with her. Last time, her only plan had been escape, and now…

Now, she still wants out of this cage that she has been forced into. She still doesn’t trust them, or at least doesn’t want to. The fact is, however, that Jyn has no option - they could lead her to her father, could lead her to her freedom. 

And her father is alive. That, above all else, is something she still cannot swallow.

She tries not to think about it, instead just trying to keep up with Captain Andor. He seems to be on a stroll, but for Jyn’s shorter legs, it means she half has to run to keep up. She pauses, though, as they approach a ship - a U-Wing. She can certainly fly one of these. All she needs now is to find out where Saw is - she doesn’t need a Rebel getting in her way of finding out where her father is.

Her eyes flick over the ship, taking it all in - weaponry, weeks of provisions, seating… she can definitely take care of herself in one of these. He had set his bag down immediately… a weapon. She needs to start with finding herself a blaster. It wouldn’t be of any use in space, but once they landed, she could take him out.

She pauses, though, at the thought. She doesn’t know him from any other here, and trusts him less than she does most anyone else, save perhaps for the General from her interrogation, but the thought of killing him… 

He could be a good man. He could have a soulmate out there, could have a reason why he does what he does, he could-

“Captain Andor.”

A voice calls out from behind them, the General from earlier, and for a pause, they stand, side by side, Jyn looking at the man that is, by all accounts, her captor. He doesn’t immediately move when summoned, and she appreciates it, how he lingers for a moment… she has to wonder if he is simply a dog that has not been tamed, or if perhaps, there is something else in the works.

Their eyes hold, and then he turns, walking away, leaving Jyn to look the ship over by herself.

It’s interrupted by the presence of a droid - a KX unit, similar to the one that had grabbed her on Wobani, halting her escape.

Still, she sets her bag down, going through it to look at the gear - food, blanket, shoes, bandages? What, were they going on a camping trip? Honestly, where was the weaponry. Surely, this man more than one blaster. He had one on his leg, yes, but something long range, perhaps? Somewhere around here had to be something…

“I’m K-2SO. I’m a reprogrammed Imperial droid.”

Scratch her earlier thought - it was the same one from earlier. She could recognize the tone. This was unlike any other reprogrammed droid she had come into contact with, not that there had been many. Saw didn’t trust them too easily, and it wasn’t like she could afford a droid while on the run.

“I remember you.” And not too fondly, she might add. She tries to ignore the droid, instead concentrating on her search. Flares, coins, false documents…

“I see the Council is sending you with us to Jedha.”

Jyn looks up slowly, processing the droid’s words. Last she had heard, and it had only been a few months in Wobani, Jedha was a complete and utter disaster. The temple there had been more or less been taken over by the Empire, and the citizens were fighting back. It was a hotbed of civil unrest. For Saw to be on the planet…

They were heading to a warzone.

Her words are half breathless as they come out. “Apparently so.”

The droid appears to appraise her for a moment, almost in an analyzing way, before it finally responds. “That is a bad idea. I think so, and so does Cassian.”

She hadn’t really asked for an opinion, but she finds it odd that a droid has such intimate knowledge of it’s master. Something about the way the droid says his name, his  _ first _ name, it seems different from most she has encountered. She wants to read into it, but there’s no point in even starting until she sees the two interact.

Not that it matters. She can disappear on Jedha.

It matters, though, if she’ll have to take Captain Andor out. Would the droid be so loyal to him, to try and save him? 

Her gaze flicks over her shoulder, to look back at the Captain, talking with the General from her interrogation. There’s always layers to everyone - no one is mindless, save for stormtroopers, at least in her opinion, but the Captain… he’s a mystery. Every part of her wanted to trust him, wanted to believe him, wanted to tell him the truth -  _ without _ being threatened to do so.

And that made her want to kill him, made her want to run. She  _ can’t _ trust him, knows better than to give into him.

And he knows it. He had known in the hallway what she had considered. He knows, because there’s no weaponry in her bags. He knows that she cannot trust him, because he had tried to buy it by removing her cuffs.

Something about him is off, and she shouldn’t stick around long enough to find out what.

“What do I know? My specialty is just strategic analysis.”

That would explain the way it had appraised her. 

Jyn gives a nod to herself, to the droid, and takes in another breath, then begins searching the ship itself. There’s a weapon here, somewhere, and she intends to have it in her hands before they take off.

 

* * *

 

There’s a sick feeling in the pit of Cassian’s stomach, but he already knows what it is. His orders were simple - locate Saw Gerrera, retrieve the message from Galen Erso, discover Galen Erso’s current location, and bring both the message and the man himself back to Yavin 4. 

With that, Cassian could begin to find forgiveness for his sins - by delivering Galen Erso to the Rebellion, they could save so many lives, and halt the destruction of the Galaxy.

Except… those were the plans of a Senate that hoped for the best. That hoped that Galen Erso was sending a message wishing to be extracted. That hoped that Galen Erso would come willingly. That hoped Galen Erso would come to the Rebellion, would have all of the answers, would do as the Senate requested, would then assist in counter measures, in destroying his weapon.

If he was off planet fast enough, he could go through with this, could keep from contacting command, he could avoid any changes to his orders. He had never rebuked at the thought of killing before, as assassinations were his specialty, but this man…

Galen Erso. The designer of the greatest weapon. The man that would destroy the Galaxy. Cassian should want him dead… But he had gone into hiding, after running from his research, had taken his family with him. And then, his daughter had been with Saw Gerrera, a known Separatist, and Galen had once more been beside Orson Krennic.

He was not there willingly, of that, Cassian had no doubt.

Just kill him. If Cassian simply killed him, he would no longer be able to create weapons for the Empire. There was no guarantee the man had not bought into the propaganda he had been told half his life. There was no guarantee that the message was not simply a way of bringing Saw out of hiding, that it was not a way of bringing his daughter back to him.

The smart thing to do would be to kill Galen Erso, and when he is called back by General Draven, he knows what his new orders will be.

“Give me your assessment of Jyn Erso.”

His hands are behind his back, a relaxed posture, one which he does to keep his hands from shaking. It’s a slight tell when he is unsure of himself, that his fingers twitch. It’s not a good thing for a spy, to show such weakness.

“Headstrong. Rebellious. She will be a problem.”

“You can keep her in check. She wants the freedom that has been offered to her. Remind her that we found her once - we can find her again.”

No. No, they had not found her. Cassian thinks they had never lost track of her… ever, that the Rebellion had always known where she was, but only bothered to reach out to her when they needed her.

“Her loyalties, do you think she truly lacks political opinion? Will she rejoin Saw?”

He’s glad his back is towards her, because otherwise, Cassian might glance back at the young woman. He could recognize the fire in her eyes - she wasn’t angry, not like him. She wasn’t ready to fight. No, she was hungry, she was alone, and the only allegiance she had was to herself. 

“I think she is a survivor. She has no loyalties to us, but also none to the Empire. She would not join them, however. I suspect she would be held as a hostage, and she is aware of that fact.”

There’s an appraising nod by his commanding officer, and he waits for a dismissal, prays for it...

“Galen Erso is vital to the Empire’s weapon’s program. Forget what you heard in there. There will be no extraction. You find him, you kill him.”

And there it is, the order he has been waiting for. When it comes down to it, there is only one possible outcome - find Galen Erso, and kill him. No matter where the man’s loyalties might lie.

Cassian nods, accepting the order, but he has to look away - there’s a stab in his chest, something deep and aching. He tells himself it’s because of his own father, killed long ago. He tells himself that it’s the right move. He tells himself to ignore it, ignore the pain, at the thought of killing a stranger.

“Then and there.”

Cassian finally looks up from his thoughts, his eyes locking with General Draven’s, the man who has, in essence, raised him, trained him, made him into the man he is. Cassian does as he is ordered because of this man - every sin he has committed, he has done so on Draven’s orders. There’s blood on both their hands, but Cassian will do whatever he must to keep the Rebellion alive, and to destroy the Empire.

He gives a nod, confirming that he has received his order, and turns, walking back towards the U-Wing. He’s determined to not look at her, to not speak to her - he suspects that she won’t speak to him anyways. She seems a woman of few words, and a good thing. The more he learns about her… Well, he doesn’t want to learn.

His hands go in front of him for a brief second, touching at his wrist - no. They hang back at his sides as he approaches, and he simply climbs in, not looking back towards her, unable to face the fact that he will have to kill her father.

It will be a long flight to Jedha.

Kay is where he had expected - most get nervous around an Imperial droid, particularly one which is so large and imposing. He serves his purpose - no one reprograms a KX model. It was practically suicide to try and take one down. 

No one could say he didn’t take risks in his teen years.

Reaching for his vest, Cassian finally decides to break the silence - he can’t exactly fly halfway across the galaxy without making certain introductions have been made.  “You met K-2?”

“Charming.”

For some odd reason, Cassian is almost…  _ embarrassed _ . Taking down a KX droid, it simply wasn’t done, but he had done it, and reprogrammed him himself. There were no protocols on reprogramming a KX droid. It simply wasn’t  _ done _ .

“He tends to say whatever comes into his circuits. It’s a by-product of the reprogram.”

He doesn’t owe her an explanation, and it’s something verging on personal. Kay is by and large his only friend. Draven was his boss, others were coworkers, acquaintances, his superiors or inferiors, his targets, his marks, his informants… Discussing Kay has nothing to do with her mission, nor with his, but in seconds, he is already  _ explaining himself  _ to her.

Kay interrupts any other thoughts he has, taking Cassian’s attention from the controls he had been fiddling with - he trusted Kay to make certain the ship was ready. Busying himself with some dials? What is wrong with him? 

“Why does she get a blaster, and I don’t?”

Kay’s words take far too long for him to process - at first, the thought of her with a weapon, it comes as no surprise. After all, she  _ is _ a weapon, is the  _ ultimate _ weapon, a woman that fades into the crowd, that is dangerous with any object at hand, has connections to some of the most dangerous men in the galaxy… Then, there’s horror - he has just been ordered to kill her father. If he kills her father… well, she doesn’t need a blaster to take him down. The logical part of him knows that he will have to lose her at some point after using her to get in with Saw…

And then, comes the part that finally makes him turn his head. He doesn’t  _ want  _ a weapon in her hands, because if she has a weapon, that means she will likely use it. While Jedha is controlled by the Empire, they could easily get in and out without being noticed. A weapon… the thought of her in a firefight… He should be glad that she has a weapon, that she is a weapon. Instead, all he feels is fear.

He tries to ignore that feeling, as best he can.

“What?”

“I know how to use it.”

The way her shoulders shrug, the blaster in her hand,  _ casual _ , as though she has been raised with it there… She has a blaster in her hand, and is freely letting him see it. She could have tried to hide it, but instead, it’s just there…

He doesn’t want to hear the statistics on how likely it is that she will use it, but he suspects Kay is simply briming to tell him.

“That’s what I’m afraid of. Give it to me.”

She knows how to use it… knows how to use it, and Force, he hopes she doesn’t have to. He had approached her as he reached out, and he looks her over, the way her body is relaxed…  _ too _ relaxed. She’s forcing herself to be small and unassuming, so that she appears to not be a threat. He suspects taking it from her… it would be a battle.

“We’re going to Jedha. That’s a war zone.”

Her voice quivers just enough that he realizes what it is…  _ fear _ . A fear that matches his own. The sickness in his stomach flips over a few times, but he pushes it down. Yes, they’re going to a war zone, but-

A war zone. He’s taking her to a war zone, and attempting to use her to reach a man that hates the Empire so much, he has sacrificed his soul to defeating them. He’s taking her straight into battle, and all so that he can kill her father.

Maybe he should let her keep it, use it on him right here and now.

“That’s not the point. I-” He breaks off, shaking his head as he approaches, and instead, shifts tactics. He already has a blaster on his hip, and his long range blaster is packed… There’s only one other blaster on this ship, and it’s the one that always cuts into his hand, the one he had used recently to kill a contact. It’s the blaster that he takes lives with.

Perhaps he should let her keep it. 

“Where did you get it?”

He already knows, already knows it was in his bag, but he wants to hear it from her, wants to know the truth of it. He looks at it, casually held in her hands, looks at her thumb, covered by her gloves. He thinks about her pulling the trigger, about the blast catching her skin. He thinks about her blood on it… thinks about her using it to save herself, and perhaps even him.

He doesn’t deserve saving. Not with what he has done with that blaster. Not with what he still has to do.

There’s a shrug to her shoulders as she looks up at him. “I found it.”

“I find that answer vague and unconvincing.” Kay pipes up from the cockpit, and Force, he doesn’t want to hear it from the Droid right now.

Their eyes lock, truly lock, for the first time, and he holds his breath. He won’t fight her for it - the rational part of him knows that he needs her on his side in a battle, knows that a blaster in his hands might save his ass. The Rebel Spy in him knows that protocol says she should be nowhere near a weapon, says that she’ll likely use it on him. The man in him… he hopes she does.

He won’t fight her for it. And he doesn’t know why.

Finally, she speaks, and it seals it for him. “Trust goes both ways.”

There’s no trust between them. She is technically his prisoner. She is buying her freedom with her father’s death, not that she’s aware of it. They might be on the same side, in that they are both  _ not _ the Empire, but they are not allies, and certainly not friends. Trust is something built, something earned.

And yet, as his eyes flick to the weapon in her hands, he  _ trusts _ her. It’s there, solid in his chest, and he doesn’t trust easily, barely even trusts anyone. He doesn’t trust the mechanics to take care of his ship. He doesn’t trust the Senate to do what’s best for the Rebellion. He doesn’t trust the Empire, has never trusted troopers, even before this new war. He only trusts what he knows, what he can see. He trusts himself.

And now, he trusts her. He trusts her, and he doesn’t know why, so he runs from it, gives a nod, and turns away. He doesn’t know why… and he’s scared. He’s scared of why he trusts her.

Climbing into the pilot’s seat, Cassian doesn’t glance away from the controls as he begins to strap himself in, pointedly ignoring Kay, until the droid speaks.

“You’re letting her keep it?” The indignation in the droid’s tone tells him all he needs to know - a statistic is coming his way. “Would you like to know the probability of her using it against you?”

No, no he would not. That ball of trust is practically choking him, to the point it nearly hurts to breathe, but… he does. He trusts her, and she might shoot him with it, but Force, he would forgive her for it. She  _ should _ shoot him, save himself. It doesn’t sound like the worst outcome at this point.

“It’s high.”

He didn’t need to be told that.

Picking up his headset, Cassian flicks his eyes back to the droid before he speaks, ready to get this mission started with. There’s no backing down… after years of the whispers, he’s on the final path. There’s no escape from his fate. Not anymore. 

“Let’s get going.”

He starts the takeoff checklist, starting the ship, closing the door, turning on the engines, and Kay joins him, even as he mutters that it’s  _ very high _ . Cassian can’t think about that right now - he doesn’t know if she can fly, and she must know that Kay won’t fly her to any destination she chooses… he’s likely fine once they’re in the air. Or, maybe she can fly, but he doubts she can take down a KX unit.

Then again, no one would have guessed he could do that, but…

He has to get this bird in the air, before he thikns anymore about what she said, about what he has to do.

_ You find him, you kill him _ .

He knows what he has to do, knows where this mission leads as they leave the ground, and he turns the ship as they fly past one of the temples, heading out towards space.

_ Trust goes both ways _ .

She shouldn’t trust him, and maybe she doesn’t yet, but she shouldn’t. He trusts her, but he shouldn’t. Whatever this is…

_ Jyn Erso. Daughter of Galen Erso. _

Kay finishes the calculations to activate the hyperdrive as they break atmosphere, and he can’t help himself as he looks back over his shoulder, looks back to her. Looks back at her sitting there, shut off from him, blaster in hands, tense, so tense.

It’s not from his flying. Not from the quick move as Kay activates the hyperdrive. It’s from fear. The same fear still in his stomach. It’s from the trust he feels in his chest. It’s…

Something is different about her.

And he can’t look away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is titled "Flight to JEDHA". I think that tells you all you need to know.
> 
> Come yell at me on [Tumblr](http://melanoradrood.tumblr.com).


	3. Flight to JEDHA

Within an hour of reaching hyperspace, Jyn had found herself to be bored… and tired. She hadn’t slept well in years, hadn’t slept for more than a few hours, never felt safe… If Cassian Andor or his droid were going to kill her, they would have already done it. The thought suddenly popped into her mind… she could sleep. She could actually sleep. Of course, there was no bunk - the captain and copilot chair both reclined enough to be worthwhile, but all she had were a few seats and a bench. Still, she could move the packs around, find a few blankets…

The thought was more than appealing.

She asked how long the flight would take - depending on their route, it could be as short as two standard days, as long as one standard week. The answer was approximately a eighty hours. Very well then. She could sleep through that.

But first…

She could feel his eyes on her as she began going through the bags, through the gear. She found survival kits, found blankets, found tarps, enough that she could make herself a pallet. Everything else, she organized into piles - first aid kids, blaster rounds, weaponry of a variety, extra clothes, boots, socks, food - in the end, she managed to stuff one of the empty bags with an emergency blanket, forming a sort of pillow. She ignored the rest, curling up into a little ball, her back against the wall, blaster in hand.

When she woke up, she had no idea how long she had been asleep, but a blanket was tossed over her. Her stomach growled, a sign of how hungry she was, and she shifted, groaning at how her muscles ached.

The lights were dim, and when she looked up, she saw that Andor was asleep, his own blaster on his lap, with the droid beside him, in low power mode.

Trying to be quiet, Jyn shifted out from under the blanket, looking over it again. It wasn’t one from the packs - it was thick, warm, and she shivered a little at the chill in the ship. Space was always cold, a dark kind of cold that couldn’t be explained.

A glance outside told her they were still in hyperspace. A glance at the chrono beside the radio told her she had been asleep six hours… or eighteen. She wasn’t sure of which. Either were still longer than she had slept in years.

Quietly, she looked around at the piles she had formed earlier, noting that they were more organized, stacked carefully against the wall. He had moved things… but hadn’t sought to clean it up. She wanted to analyze that, but instead, went for a meal pack. 

The food was shit, but to Jyn, who had been eating filth in Wobani, it tasted amazing.

With her belly full, and the ship still quiet, she could do nothing but look out at space. It was beautiful, in an odd way - an entire galaxy, so much possibility, so much freedom… and she was a prisoner in it. She had no control, no choice, just a destiny she was hurtling through, and a sick hope in her stomach that things would turn out differently this time… that this time, she might be able to save her father.

“How long have you been awake?”

The voice is quiet, and she turns from where she has been looking out the window to see Andor looking at her, his eyes barely open, head turned.

She doesn’t really know, doesn’t have an answer, and she doesn’t want to talk.

“Long enough. I’m going back to sleep.”

He gives a nod, his lips pursed, and she goes back to her makeshift pallet. Sliding under the blanket, she looks at it again. It’s not standard issue Alliance, that’s for certain. This was something personal, something… something that was  _ his _ .

She won’t analyze that either.

It surprises her, and then doesn’t, when her eyes start to drift close again. The last thing she sees, before she falls asleep again, is Cassian Andor looking at her from where he sits, watching her relax, watching her trust him enough to have the blaster beside her, rather than held in her grasp.

She decides to analyze that when she wakes up.

 

* * *

 

When Jyn eventually wakes up again, the lights are no longer dim in the cabin, although they are darker towards her end. Andor is standing at the radio, listening to something, a datapad in hand. He looks to be translating something, but she doesn’t ask.

The droid is on as well, flicking at a few switches. She realizes, suddenly, what’s going on - they’re switching hyperspace lanes. They must be getting somewhere.

“How far are we from Jedha?”

She doesn’t want to look at the chrono - that would mean approaching Andor, entering his space to look at the meter on the data center, and something about him… she doesn’t want to get too close.

“Approximately fifty hours. You have been asleep for a long time.”

She doesn’t know how long she has slept in total, but, regardless of how stiff she feels, Jyn feels whole once more. Her stomach, however… two meals, and suddenly, she’s relying on regular sustenance again.

Picking through the meal packs, she picks out one, and opens it. She wishes there was something fresh, a luxury she has not enjoyed in some time… Maybe once they’re on Jedha. She has no credits, of course, but she could pinch something, perhaps. The thought of fresh food…

“Are you hungry?”

Jyn has to fight the urge to roll her eyes at the Captain, who has lowered the receiver headset from around his ears. Obviously she’s hungry if she’s opening a meal pack, and she gives a slight nod.

He approaches suddenly, leaving the headset and the datapad behind, and she wants to withdraw, to pull away - the thought of him taking away the food comes into mind.

He halts immediately, hands raised, and then opens up a top compartment. From within, he pulls out a few pots and bowls, then offers his hand towards her. He’s reaching for the pack, she realizes, and, reluctantly, she hands it over.

It takes a few minutes to realize what he’s doing, but within minutes, the food is warmed up on a heating unit, and he’s adding spices and dried items to the pot, all from the storage compartment.

He’s cooking for her. He’s  _ making food _ for her.

She doesn’t even know what to say when he pours it into a bowl, and offers it to her.

“The stuff from the bags… it’s passable, but I’ve learned that a few other ingredients can make it more palatable.”

Her mouth waters at the scent, and she takes the bowl, sniffing at it again, before eyeing it, and then him. His eyes are on her, locked, waiting for a response, perhaps, or even her approval.

Or gratitude. She thinks he might be waiting for her thanks.

“I’ve been eating moldy bread for months, so the packs are a feast… but thank you.”

_ Trust goes both ways _ …

This isn’t trust. This is so much more than trust.

She’ll figure out what it means when she isn’t starving.

The taste isn’t something she had expected, the depth of flavor different than anything she has had in some time. Everything her parents had enjoyed, before their escape, had been rich, true Core food. And then, it had been plain, simple. From there, with Saw, eating was for life, and nothing more. And on the run… She had encountered many flavors, but could rarely afford them.

This? This was different. This was a bit of heat on her tongue, and then a saltiness, and even though none of it was fresh, a bit of something that tasted almost earthy, as though it wasn’t all from a pack. She tries to keep the moan from herself, but her eyes flutter shut at the taste of it - it was divine.

When her eyes flutter open, there’s a grin on his face, like he’s proud.

And then it fades, and all she sees is vulnerability.

Their eyes hold for too long, and then he pulls away, his attention on the pot and the spoon he had used to make the food, turning and heading towards the sink.

“I’ll just clean this up,” he mutters, and she gives a nod, watching him move into the fresher.

She tries to not moan with every bite, but as she finishes it, she can’t help but be pleased with how full her belly feels, actually truly satisfied. She tries to not look at him, to not watch him as he keeps busy, as he takes her bowl and utensil, as he washes up.

She tries to not look at him, because he keeps looking at her… and she isn’t sure why.

 

* * *

 

The first real order of business, the first real way she has kept herself busy, is to repack the bags. Now that she sees what in all they have, she decides to pack daypacks for the pair of them. They should only be on the planet for a day, not more. Still, the city could be cold, so emergency blankets are stuffed into the bottom. Then, medical kits. They could never be too safe. A few meal packs, yes. She stuffs the scarf he had given her into the top of one bag, and extra blaster rounds as well. 

Each bag is light, easy to carry… if he wants to add more, he can. Everything else, she begins searching the ship, tucking things away. As she does, she looks for more weapons, more blades, more anything. 

She finds another holster, and straps it to her leg, the blaster finding a home.

He says nothing as she searches each compartment, and with time, she realizes what this is, what it all is.

It’s personal. It’s his home.

The blanket, she finds the compartment it had come from. She picks it up, folds it carefully, and returns it to the cubby. There’s changes of clothes, extra jackets, and in a hidden compartment, she finds scan docs.

He doesn’t stop her even as she searches the fresher, and after cleaning up, she finds another compartment, holding a drive.

She won’t ask what it is. She doubts there’s any way he would leave his datapad behind long enough for her to plug the drive in.

These are his things, but nothing really personal. No sign of family. No sign of a wife, of children. He’s old enough, a few years older than her at least, but there’s things lacking.

A loner. He’s a loner, like her.

And he’s letting her search his space.

When she returns to the main cabin. Andor is once more listening to the radio, and the droid turns to look at her as she approaches.

Her hand hovers to touch Andor’s shoulder as she goes to climb into the cockpit, but her hand withdraws, almost like it was burned. Jyn doesn’t know what had come over her, but she pockets that way for later - she should never touch him. Something about it feels like a warning, and she won’t push her luck.

“Would you like to search me next?” the droid drawls out, and Jyn rolls her eyes, turning to look at the KX unit.

“Would you let me?” she retorts, eyebrow raised.

All she gets in response is what she thinks might be a snort.

Turning back to look at space, everything flies by, the hum of it all quickly becoming something familiar. She relaxes into it, relaxes as space moves about them. She’s in no rush to get to Jedha, she realizes suddenly, no rush to get to the next step. Normally, she would feel trapped in such a small space, a reminder of her time hiding on Lah’mu…

Instead, she feels safe here. Safe, as she sits in Andor’s seat, breathes in a scent that seems to be embedded into the ship, blaster oil, aftershave, soap, leather.

Within no time at all, she drifts off to sleep, the scent of Cassian Andor surrounding her, his soft voice murmuring behind her.

 

* * *

 

When she wakes up, it’s with a start.

Her eyes flick around, taking in her surroundings. In front of her is space. To her left is Cassian Andor, his eyes closed and his head back. Across her body is a blanket,  _ the _ blanket, the one she had folded and put away. Over her shoulder, turning, is the droid, sitting where she had previously slept, in powered down mode. In her right hand, she feels the blaster holster, the blaster still inside.

In her left hand is the kyber crystal, the one her mother had left her.

She sucks in a breath, sharp and hard, and lets it out slowly. Her sleep had not been dreamless - no, it had been filled with nightmares.

“Are you okay?”

His voice is soft, and she realizes that he was not asleep, simply resting. She gives a jerky nod, but when the words come to her lips, it’s something else - “No.”

He doesn’t answer, just finally gives a nod. A glance at the chrono in front of her tells her it has been at least ten hours since she fell asleep, and she tries to relax a little. 

She needs to get up, to move around, to do something. Her fingers practically itch with the need to do something, a foreign need… she feels stir crazy, trapped in this ship.

“Where’s the blaster oil?”

She finds herself sitting at the bench, except rather than sitting on it, she sits on the cold metal floor, the oil and rag on the bench beside her head. The blaster is in front of her, and she disassembles the entire piece. It has been well cared for, but she can see a bit of blood on the firing pin, can see a few other pieces of burnt  _ something _ at the end… 

She says nothing, even though she can feel his eyes on her, a heavy weight.

Each piece is carefully oiled, cleaned, and then reassembled, until she engages the safety once more, and slides it into the holster at her side.

She cleans his long range blaster next, and she can feel how tense he is as she takes it apart, piece by piece, and cleans it, slowly, methodically. Eventually, as she begins to reassemble it, he moves from where he sits in the cockpit, and instead sits on the bench, handing her the rag to clean her hands as she touches oil and cleans up the weapon before returning it to the case.

“Where did you learn to handle a blaster?” he asks, and she doesn’t look up as she carefully shuts the lid, snapping the lock back into place.

“Saw Gerrera.”

It’s an obvious answer - her mother was a pacifist, her father a scientist. Of course it was the Rebel Extremist that had taught her everything she knew, that had turned her into a weapon. It wasn’t until she saw a blaster in her mother’s hands, moments before being shot, that she had ever even seen a weapon.

“He taught you well.”

She hums a little in response, swallowing as she cleans at her hands. She wants to take off her gloves, to oil them as well, to ask for leather oil… except, taking them off would mean exposing so many marks, scars, bruises, and - 

Something in her tells her to take off her gloves, to let him see the soulmark. She squashes that thought immediately - it would only lead to trouble.

“Hand me your blaster.”

He tenses immediately - she can sense it without even looking at him, but then she hears the telltale snap of a holster being unclipped. The blaster is set beside her, and she turns her head to look up at him. There’s trust in his eyes, and she picks up the weapon, turning herself on the floor so that she’s facing him, now facing the bench as she disassembles the blaster pistol.

“Who taught you how to handle a blaster?”

She thinks that every officer likely carries a blaster pistol, but the sniper blaster… That’s heavy duty weaponry. No novice would be given that.

“General Draven.”

She gives a nod, licking her lips as her concentration goes back to the weapon.

The man she couldn’t trust. The man she knew was up to no good. Of course, that would mean Andor was hand selected for this mission - that means they understand the importance of her father. That means she cannot sway him to her side, if she should turn on him.

If.  _ If _ . As though she was not planning to make a run as soon as she could.

She says nothing else as she takes apart the blaster entirely, cleaning each piece. The weight of his gaze is heavy on her as she begins to oil and then reassemble it, and when the blaster is whole, she offers it to him.

“Thank you,” he says, his voice soft.

There’s a change in him, but Jyn isn’t quite sure what it is.

When she falls asleep a few hours later, her belly full from the meal that he had created for both of them, she thinks there might be a change in her as well.

The holster is no longer attached to her leg, but instead sitting on the dashboard of the cockpit. When she turns her head to look at him, sitting in the Captain’s seat beside her, she realizes his gaze is on her.

They sit there for a long time, just watching one another, until they both fall asleep.

 

* * *

 

When Cassian opens his eyes, the first thing he sees is Jyn, eyes closed, laying down in the chair across from him. She looks peaceful, relaxed, her fingers gripping the item at the end of the cord, the one she wears around her neck. He still hasn’t gotten a good look at what it is, but it’s clear that it’s precious to her.

He tells himself to ask her about it… but he doubts she would share.

Stretching, Cassian looks back over his shoulder to see Kay, sitting awkwardly on the bench. He hadn’t meant to remove the droid from his seat, but Jyn had looked so uncomfortable on the floor, and well… it wasn’t like the droid could feel the ache of sitting on cold durasteel.

“Sleep well?” the droid asked, and he could feel the sarcasm in the tone.

The smell of blaster oil is still fresh on the air, and he looks back at Jyn, can practically feel the cold around her. It means nothing when he stands up, finding the blanket he keeps draping over her, and returns it to her. It had been one of the first items he had purchased when he had been given his own ship, something warm and heavy for the cold nights.

She needs it more than he does. He can practically feel how cold she is, the ice freezing her bones.

“Only one standard day until we arrive,” the droid says, and Cassian nods, looking at the chronometer. Time is strange in space, without light and day and a sunrise and a sunset… Still, he gets better rest on the ship. His life isn’t on the line, there’s no glancing over his shoulder.

Even with her here… actually, no.

With her here, he should be on edge, sleeping only when Kay is powered up. Instead, he feels more relaxed, at peace. He tells himself it’s because his mission, his lifelong mission, is coming to a close. It’s easier that way, to think in terms of the mission, rather than to even begin to entertain the thought that it has something to do with  _ her _ .

She shifts a little in her sleep, and he holds his breath, realizing he’s still hovering over her. She doesn’t wake up, though, only tugs at the blanket, her hand slipping out. He can’t imagine it’s comfortable, sleeping with the gloves on, and he notices around her wrist - the skin is still raw there, from the shackles.

He doesn’t think, just moves, moves towards his personal medkit, and he reaches in, finding a balm mixed with bacta. It’s not much on actual wounds, but being a spy, he can’t have visible injuries like bruises, cuts, and scrapes. It will help on her wrist, although the raw skin is clearly from months of being shackled - it might help enough that it doesn’t ache.

He thinks about the marks on his own wrists. Wonders if anyone is applying a balm to them.

Looking at his own hands, he analyzes them for a moment. The burn on his thumb is healing, and his wrists do look better, although a bit sore. There’s a few calluses… he opens the jar, rubbing the balm into his hands, and over his wrists. He knows it won’t change anything about those marks - those are not his own.

Tugging down his sleeves, he turns to head down into the rest of the ship, to prepare food, when he realizes her eyes are opening. Standing still, he waits until she tenses, grabbing at her necklace tighter, her eyes then flitting to him.

“A little under twenty hours left. Hungry?”

She gives a nod, tongue flicking over her lips, and he ignores the flip in his stomach. Instead, Cassian offers her the jar.

“Bacta. For your wrists.”

She gives a nod, taking the jar, and watches him as he goes to the meal packs, getting to work.

She doesn’t say anything as he works, but he can feel her gaze on him. Eventually, she hears the sound of leather sliding off skin, and a glance over his shoulder tells him that she has taken off her gloves. Her back is towards him, but she’s clearly hunched over, hiding from him. He wants to ask what it is, but resists. 

After a few minute, he hears the snap of the clasp on her gloves, and the lid of the jar being twisted back on. A few minutes later, she passes him on the way to the fresher. Her eyes don’t meet his, but he thinks that the skin at her wrists, just barely visible as she reaches for the fresher door, is a little lighter.

When she comes back out, he hands her a bowl of food. Kay has once more taken up his seat, the blanket tossed half hazardously on the floor. Cassian hasn’t had a chance to pick it up yet, but Jyn moves forward it, folding it carefully, and setting it beside the pack she had first stuffed with blankets. She sits on it, leaning back against the pack, her gaze out the window as she eats.

He wonders what she’s thinking about, but doesn’t ask.

The next few hours pass in silence, and he tells himself to sleep. Instead, he keeps looking back towards her - he looks at her as he listens in on the radio, as he checks their course, as he tucks away the cookery, as he repacks his own pack, as she joins him to pack her own.

Every movement she makes, his eyes are forced back to her, taking it all in. He can’t help himself as he watches how she brushes back a bit of her hair, as she looks over the clasps on the pack, as she once more disassembles and reassembles her blaster, watches as she clenches her fingers in her gloves then relaxes them once more.

Something about her-

Something about her mystifies him. He doesn’t quite know what it is that is such a question. He has been around others before that were far more beautiful, that were seductive and graceful. Jyn is appealing, yes, but the set of her jaw, the way she carries herself, it’s not there to entice… and yet, he still finds himself drawn in. He wants to explore her, wants to watch her dance in a fight, wants to see her even take him down, would love to look up at her from the floor after she promptly kicks his ass.

He wants to peel those gloves off of her, wants to work the balm into her wrist. He wants to peel back her layers, each of them, both physically and mentally, wants to learn all of the secrets that the files don’t have on her - and for no other reason than because she would let him.

He wants to-

_ “Galen Erso is vital to the Empire’s weapon’s program. Forget what you heard in there. There will be no extraction. You find him, you kill him.” _

She’s looking out the window again, pointedly ignoring him, and he watches her hand go to her neck. There’s a mark on her skin, a mark he wants to study, but her fingers are touching something else, the cord again. It’s clearly important to her, not a weapon for her to have kept it in Wobani, but he wants to ask, wants to know-

_ “You find him, you kill him.” _

The lift of her chin as a thought rolls through her head, the way her eyes flick out at the nothingness of space, the set of her shoulders as she seems to finally relax, the way her hand slides back from the blaster at her side as she settles-

_ “Then and there.” _

He forces his attention back onto the receiver, returning the headset to the comm device, and turns to climb back into the Captain’s Seat. Settling in, he glances over to see Kay giving him a strange look. Given that the droid doesn’t truly need to look to know what’s going on, he knows that this is clearly something for his benefit - he’s judging Cassian.

He doesn’t look back at her. With what he has to do… he doesn’t get that privilege

 

* * *

 

She’s a child, young, four or five, before… before everything. Before Lah’mu, before the man in white came to take back Papa, before Saw came for her, before-

Her eyes open, and she blinks a few times, hearing the voices in the other room. They’re all familiar voices - Mama. Papa. The Man in White. The Man is always here, more and more these days. He makes Papa smile, but Mama always frowns, frowns when only Jyn is watching. There are more and more whispers when he leaves each time, and Jyn knows - the Man in White is not a good man.

Papa calls him a friend, calls him a brother… 

A friend wouldn’t make her Mama cry, wouldn’t make her Papa throw his books at the wall, wouldn’t make them keep things packed, wouldn’t make her have to hide… always hide…

She creeps from the bed to the doorway, and it’s her Papa that notices her first. Mama’s politely smiling and laughing, but it’s not real, not in her eyes, not a smile that is reserved for her Papa, not a laugh that is for when Jyn tells her what she and her dolls have gotten up to while they were gone.

Papa kneels in front of her, speaking on her level - he never speaks down to her, always speaks to her, like an equal. Not like the man in white. Not like the man that calls her “the child.”

“What’s the matter, Jyn? You look frightened.”

Does she? Should she not? She knows her mama fakes it, thinks her papa might as well, fake the smiles and the nods… He makes her afraid, the man in white. He’s going to take her Papa away one day, she just knows it.

She doesn’t remember what she says, but she does remember him scooping her up, always holding her close, his precious Stardust.

“I’ll always protect you.”

A nightmare - that’s what she had told him. She had a nightmare… How could he protect her when the nightmare was in the next room?

He swings her into the bed, and she blinks up at her papa. He’ll always protect her. Everything he does is to protect her-

_ Remember, whatever I do, I do it to protect you. _

She had sat in the dark for days, remembering those words - he did it to protect her. He turned himself in to protect her. He had stayed behind to protect her. Her mama was dead, to protect her. Everyone had left her, to protect her.

His Stardust.

“Stardust. Don’t ever change.”

His words are so soft, but she’s not looking at him.

No, she’s looking at her mama, in the room with the man in white. She’s a distraction. That’s what he says. She’s a distraction to her father’s work. A problem. An issue. He’ll use her against her father-

Her mama watches, concern clear on her face. Her mama, who had gone back, to give her a fighting chance, to give her time to run. She had followed all the same, had followed, with her hand wrapped around the necklace, the kyber crystal, the force-

“Trust…”

_ “Trust the force, and trust whoever wears your mark. No one else. Do you understand?” _

She trusts what she knows - she knows that the man in white is a bad man. She knows that her mama loves her, loves her enough to die for her, for her father, for their family. She knows that her father would do anything to protect her, even return to the bad man. She knows - she trusts her father, even when he is not with her, trusts his hug, his love-

He hugs her in that bad, hugs her tight and whispers his love, hugs her before he says good bye, hugs her tight.

_ “Say you understand.” _

She doesn’t believe in much, but she believes in this, believes in their love, believes in him. He’s alive, he’s alive, he’s alive-

_ “I understand.” _

Her mama had died for her papa, her soulmate, the other half of herself, the thought of being apart too much to bear, the pain, the-

“Galen…”

They had said goodbye, and ran… and in the end, her mama was dead, dead for her love, and her father taken away, taken to protect her, and she was left in the dark, left to be found, left until Saw came, until he opened the hatch, and she-

Jyn jerks away, taking in a deep breath. Her fingers find the kyber crystal under her shirt, and she touches it, holds it. 

They were dead from protecting her, or as good as. Would they be able to find her father, rescue him? The things they did for love… for her… for each other…

The back of her hand aches, where her soulmark likes, and she remembers her Mama kissing her Papa’s mark, remembers the foolish things that one would do for their soulmate.

“We’re coming into orbit. You have the controls.”

Her attention shifts at the sound of Captain Andor’s voice, watching as he comes down from the cockpit, moving about to secure items in the hold. She doesn’t move from her seat, just tucks the crystal back under her shirt, then looks out the window.

She doesn’t know much about Jedha itself, not really. It’s just a Mid Rim moon, and some sort of holy site for pilgrims. What she does know is that it’s being held by the Empire, and is a hotbed for unrest. The pilgrims and the holy site are gone, and all that’s left are the people that can’t afford to leave, and the Empire itself.

“That’s Jedha,” Andor says, and her gaze shifts up to him, standing there, looking out towards the planet. She could have guessed, of course, and it almost felt as though he was filling up space with his words. “Or what’s left of it.”

He steps around her, heading back towards the fresher and their packs, and she watches him move past, his body tense in an odd way, almost as though he was afraid to touch her. She doesn’t watch him go past, though, keeping her attention on the planet as they begin to head towards the moon itself, the droid piloting.

“We find Saw, we find your father.”

She can only hope it will be that simple...

Landing on the planet takes time. They want to be close enough that they can walk, given that there are no scandocs for her - they need to slip in and out, unregistered. Understandable, but if Jyn had known they wouldn’t have clean docs for her, she would have worked on them during the flight. They also can’t be too close, however. The ship needs to stay hidden, for what reason, she has no clue. The droid could always drop them off, pick them up…

Then again, it’s easier this way. Once they land on the surface, she knows it’s only a matter of time before she’s the one bringing up the rear, and then she can turn, run back to the ship, and take off in it. She can connect to the comm system, patch into Saw’s feed, and reconnect with her old friend. She doesn’t need Cassian Andor, his contact, or the Rebel Alliance. 

She tells herself that the whole way up the rocky viewpoint, until they reach the top ledge, and she can see NiJedha, the Holy City, all for herself. She can take it in - the mesa the city itself sits atop. The cargo ships flying to and fro. The destroyer hovering above the city.

A warzone, she had called it. No. This is a bomb with a finger on the trigger. All thoughts of stealing the shuttle disappear, and she lays down beside him as he pulls out the macrobinoculars.

“What’s with the destroyer?”

Jedha was a peaceful moon… there was no military, no army, nothing but monks, and pilgrims.

“It’s because of your old friend, Saw Gerrera. He’s been attacking the cargo shipments.”

That certainly sounds like Saw - be a thorn in the Empire’s side. There’s not a lot of casualties here, as the moon is pretty much uninhabited, save for this section, and most have evacuated. The few that are left… death happens. Saw doesn’t really keep track. 

The real question is - “What are they bringing in?” 

_ What is the Empire turning this moon into? _

It feels so natural, how Andor looks at her, passing the microbinoculars over, and she feels like a partner, suddenly. She flashes back to her days with Saw, when she was his right hand, one of his Lieutenants, and she had been treated like an equal, information being openly shared between them. There’s no secrets in this moment, and she barely even realizes it, until she’s looking through towards the city, realizes he’s letting her look for no other reason than because she wants to.

“It’s what are they taking out. Kyber Crystal. All they can get. We wondered why they were stripping the temple, and now we know.” The crystal burns on her chest, and she lowers the binoculars as he keeps speaking, She knows. She doesn’t need him to tell her.

“It’s the fuel for the weapon.”

The reason her parents knew one another… the crystals. The Empire is stealing the crystals, the ones used to generate the Force, and turning them into a weapon. Her father’s research, all of her father’s work - 

“The weapon your father’s building.”

She tries to not roll her eyes as she looks towards the droid, his voice an annoyance. The words strike harder than she would ever admit, but she won’t give them a valid response.

“Maybe we should leave target practice behind.”

Jyn doesn’t know where the name comes from, but it works in her mind. After all, she wouldn’t mind testing out her new weapon, taking a few shots.

Captain Andor looks towards her, and then his droid, and she waits for a response, but she can see it - he’s calculating the idea. Almost as though… he might listen to her advice.

“Are you talking about me?” Never before has Jyn heard a droid with so much… well, personality is the closest she can consider it. It’s as though the droid has it’s own mind. She has never really thought about autonomy for a droid before, but she might have to start.

“She’s right,” Andor says, and Jyn has to force herself to keep from looking over in shock. Of course she is right, but that he admits it, that he likes her idea… If she couldn’t still feel the faded memories of shackles, she might think that they were partners in this, rather than she his hostage. “We need to blend in. Stay with the ship.”

“I can blend in. I’m an Imperial droid. This city is under Imperial occupation.”

Arguably, that was a valid point, but would only be worthwhile if both she and the Captain were in Imperial uniform. Two travelers with a KX unit? They would be a blinking light that something was abnormal. In truth, the droid would only be useful if any sort of a firefight broke out, and it was there to help them quickly escape.

She can see a smirk on Andor’s lips as she responds.

“Half the people here want to reprogram you. The other half want to put a hole in your head.”

Jyn considers herself to be the former at this point…

“I’m surprised you’re so concerned with my safety,” the droid comments, and Jyn rolls her eyes as she watches Andor finish with his pack. All of the important gear is in his - she’ll be traveling lightly, weapons attached, scarf around her neck.

“I’m not. I’m just worried they might miss you, and hit me.”

She shoves the empty pack, with a few extra meal packs within, into the droid’s outstretched arms. She tries her best not to look back and smirk, but as she takes her first few steps back down from the cliff, she looks over her shoulder towards the droid… and then Cassian Andor.

Something is different about this time, compared to the last time they had walked together. On Yavin 4, it had been clear that she was, well, not a prisoner, but had no real choice. She was under his command. Now, however…

He had listened to her ideas, had explained the situation, had allowed her to take a closer look without her even asking for it. Something about this didn’t feel normal - she doubted that he worked with others frequently, but surely he was not always on solo missions - he was an Officer. He was treating her like she was one as well.

Not an asset. Not a contact. Not a prisoner.

Her eyes catch his as he pats the droid, almost affectionately, and there’s a smirk on his lips, clear amusement from her talk with K-2SO. Like… he enjoyed listening to their little disagreement. Like he was watching two friends talk.

Something about it is unsettling, and the back of her hand itches, underneath her glove, where her mark resides.

The droid makes a comment, but she doesn’t hear it, instead turning her head to watch where she’s going. She also misses the way that Cassian rubs at his side, like something burns him as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What are we thinking? Liking this so far? 
> 
> Next Chapter is titled NIJEDHA ( aka The Holy City ) so that will tell you what's going to happen next. The chapter is actually COMPLETE, but I haven't even started on Chapter 5 yet, which is titled Saw's Lair, and that's going to be a heavy one. ALSO, Chapter 4, given that it has lots of Action, is going through the hands of a friend of mine that has NEVER SEEN ROGUE ONE, so she can fully look at it and say "mmm yeah that doesn't make sense" for the fight scene.
> 
> Anyways.
> 
> Yes? No?

**Author's Note:**

> Chapters will be posted as I complete the next one. Chapter Two is completed, so Chapter One is posted. Once Chapter Three is completed... you get the idea. Each Chapter focuses on a planet, or as in this case, a set of planets. Some planets will take more chapters. Travel to planets will be a chapter, at times. You get the idea.


End file.
